I am so happy and excited about tomorrow and the opportunity to be with God and all of the women on the retreat that I can’t sleep. I know I need to sleep but I just can’t seem to wind down. Isn’t God’s gift of adrenaline a wonderful thing? He always gives me what I need when I need it.
Just now He gave me a break from my typing. It’s a little disturbing because I usually type my blog straight through in a few minutes, but I must have needed to stop and reflect. So now I think, what is it to reflect? I know what life is to me right now, don’t I? I probably don’t. I think I know what I need, but I don’t always get it right. I think right now that I need to pray. I need to thank God for the gift of my life and the gift of my husband, the gift of my children, the gift of my sorrows and the gift of my joys in life. I can never forget that it all comes from Him. All of it! It just matters what I do with it that makes it good or bad.
Why do I sometimes wallow in the things that make me uncomfortable? It doesn’t seem right even when I’m doing it. It seems that I need to move through it rather than stay in it. It mostly seems that I shouldn’t do it at all. My life is so much better when I accept the here and the now instead of dwelling on what’s gone already or what is to come later.
I mostly think I don’t need to be afraid of life, afraid of the things that will come into my life. I know have the sense of the scripture that the first will be last and the last will be first. Isn’t that the best understanding of how to live life and how to have hope? Hope isn’t in the recognition of life but in the acceptance of life.
I need to accept and acknowledge that I need God and that I need the ordinary things of life that are given to me by God. I need a hug, but mostly I need to give a hug. I need to be accepted, but mostly I need to accept others. I need to be listened to, but mostly I need to listen to others. I need to eat ice cream (really!), but mostly I need to thank God for the person that makes the ice cream that I so enjoy and to take it further than that and thank God for the people that bring the ingredients together, and for the people that raise the cows and the chickens that create the ingredients and for the people that decided to bring the ingredients together to create the ice cream, and the people that built the first freezer to change the ingredients to become something each ingredient was not on its own and to thank God for the opportunity to share my thoughts about ice cream and on an on.
Maybe one day I’ll write about something important, but for now I’m so glad to get these words on a page.
God is good all the time. Ice Cream is good all the time. Hope is good all the time.
Peace your sister in Christ and talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Preparation
I am busy today getting ready for a women’s retreat for my parish. It is the first one that we are having for ACTS which stands for Adoration, Community, Theology and Service. I’ve been preparing for this weekend for almost three years now. I’ve been mentored by a group of women that have been giving these retreats for many years. It has been an awesome experience to know and learn from these women. It has been an awesome experience of growth for me to allow myself to change through the lives and experiences of these women. It has been a great time of preparation for this moment.
What makes preparation so wonderful is it allows me to change through the experience. It allows me to use the gifts that I already know that I have and the gifts that I learn about through my interaction with other people. I challenge myself in preparation, because I encounter people I haven’t experienced before as I plan for the events in my life. The planning is at its best for me when I don’t over plan, but when I allow the people around me to shine and take ownership of the gifts that they give to the world.
How do I tap into the gifts of the other people around me and into the best of the gifts that God has given me is the ultimate challenge of my life. I so many times hide behind the talents that are expected of me rather than the true gifts that God has given me. I sometimes look to other people to define those gifts rather than praying to understand the unique gifts that have been bestowed on me by God.
The gifts given to me are many and are as diverse as being good at finance and as being good at singing in the choir. Now I wonder what those gifts have in common. The most obvious is that both were given to me, but I think there is more to it than that simple connection. My next thought is that I needed the diversity of gifts to allow myself to be more human. If I am caught up mostly in math and not in art, I wouldn’t be complete. That is not to say that one can’t be better at one than the other, but I think if I wasn’t aware of the diversity of my gifts then I wouldn’t be the person I am meant to be.
Wow, preparation is awesome. It makes me tap into the not so obvious of my life. I’d forgotten some things about myself that only truly shine when I allow myself to prepare.
Peace and talk to you again soon,
Eileen
What makes preparation so wonderful is it allows me to change through the experience. It allows me to use the gifts that I already know that I have and the gifts that I learn about through my interaction with other people. I challenge myself in preparation, because I encounter people I haven’t experienced before as I plan for the events in my life. The planning is at its best for me when I don’t over plan, but when I allow the people around me to shine and take ownership of the gifts that they give to the world.
How do I tap into the gifts of the other people around me and into the best of the gifts that God has given me is the ultimate challenge of my life. I so many times hide behind the talents that are expected of me rather than the true gifts that God has given me. I sometimes look to other people to define those gifts rather than praying to understand the unique gifts that have been bestowed on me by God.
The gifts given to me are many and are as diverse as being good at finance and as being good at singing in the choir. Now I wonder what those gifts have in common. The most obvious is that both were given to me, but I think there is more to it than that simple connection. My next thought is that I needed the diversity of gifts to allow myself to be more human. If I am caught up mostly in math and not in art, I wouldn’t be complete. That is not to say that one can’t be better at one than the other, but I think if I wasn’t aware of the diversity of my gifts then I wouldn’t be the person I am meant to be.
Wow, preparation is awesome. It makes me tap into the not so obvious of my life. I’d forgotten some things about myself that only truly shine when I allow myself to prepare.
Peace and talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Family
What are we but an extension of those that come before us and after us? Don’t they make us who we are and keep us connected to the world around us? I think of my parents when I think of my history. I have no history without my parents. I wouldn’t have come into existence had my parents not participated in the creation of me. What an awesome gift that is to me and hopefully to all those people that are connected to me.
The connection to people is so immense when you start to put a number around it. I think of how my life and the life of my husband have impacted our children and even our parents. Haven’t we through how we’ve lived and through how they have lived learned so many things? I think I have. It also grows through our connection to the world outside of our immediate families.
I think of how when I traveled to China on business that the impact of how I exist through my parents and how I am who I am through the influence of my children that I influenced those in the room in a meeting in an industrial town in the city of Shengli, China. We can’t disconnect from that experience. We always have the connection no matter how big or small. We can’t ignore it even when we don’t understand or acknowledge the connection. I am so overwhelmed with the sense of “We are one body, one body in Christ….” This is a fundamental truth of life.
This also reminds me of a time when someone made accusations of someone in my life that were not founded in the truth and how I was so angry, so very angry. I prayed and reflected on the actions of the individual and on my reaction of anger. God was so clear in his words to me that I had to apologize to the woman. God told me that He loved that woman so much, and that I needed to look beyond the recent action and see what He saw in the woman. Look at her as a woman of service and a woman that lives out her vocation of motherhood with great purpose and great honor. He asked me to understand the He forgives her for her wrong actions just like he forgives me for my wrong actions. Why can’t I see beyond the action to the soul of the woman and see His face in her face?
I prayed and asked for this and He granted the request. I was able to write her an apology note and ask her to forgive me for not honoring her as God honors her. We smiled and hugged and moved to the next moments in our life. We were connected forever in this moment, a moment that began because each of us is a creation from God that extends from the human experience.
How awesome is He in trusting us with such an enormous gift. I pray that we too respect and love those around us in our families and in our connections through our families just as God trust and loves us. I pray this whether our connections in life are the family that lives next door to us or the family that lives in Shengli, China.
Peace and talk to you again soon,
Eileen
The connection to people is so immense when you start to put a number around it. I think of how my life and the life of my husband have impacted our children and even our parents. Haven’t we through how we’ve lived and through how they have lived learned so many things? I think I have. It also grows through our connection to the world outside of our immediate families.
I think of how when I traveled to China on business that the impact of how I exist through my parents and how I am who I am through the influence of my children that I influenced those in the room in a meeting in an industrial town in the city of Shengli, China. We can’t disconnect from that experience. We always have the connection no matter how big or small. We can’t ignore it even when we don’t understand or acknowledge the connection. I am so overwhelmed with the sense of “We are one body, one body in Christ….” This is a fundamental truth of life.
This also reminds me of a time when someone made accusations of someone in my life that were not founded in the truth and how I was so angry, so very angry. I prayed and reflected on the actions of the individual and on my reaction of anger. God was so clear in his words to me that I had to apologize to the woman. God told me that He loved that woman so much, and that I needed to look beyond the recent action and see what He saw in the woman. Look at her as a woman of service and a woman that lives out her vocation of motherhood with great purpose and great honor. He asked me to understand the He forgives her for her wrong actions just like he forgives me for my wrong actions. Why can’t I see beyond the action to the soul of the woman and see His face in her face?
I prayed and asked for this and He granted the request. I was able to write her an apology note and ask her to forgive me for not honoring her as God honors her. We smiled and hugged and moved to the next moments in our life. We were connected forever in this moment, a moment that began because each of us is a creation from God that extends from the human experience.
How awesome is He in trusting us with such an enormous gift. I pray that we too respect and love those around us in our families and in our connections through our families just as God trust and loves us. I pray this whether our connections in life are the family that lives next door to us or the family that lives in Shengli, China.
Peace and talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Friday, September 25, 2009
We Are One
Today I keep thinking about how I am who I am through my husband and how he is who he is through me. Can it be that I am more me because of someone else? Can it be that someone else if more because of me? That just blows my mind to think of it, but I know it to be true.
I think of all the times before I met my husband that I felt like I didn’t know what it was to be whole. I always felt that I was missing a piece of my self. It wasn’t that I didn’t have great life before. I have a great, loving mother and I grew up in a loving family that celebrated life together so often that I know what celebration means so deeply that it makes me smile to think about it.
I take those things in my life that are great and that are not so great and mesh them with the life that my husband brought into our marriage, and I see a great flower garden emerge. There are so many flowers in the garden that my breath is taken away when I walk up on the garden. There are sunflowers, roses, weeds, mulch and blank spots and on and on.
Wow that makes me wonder about what each of those things means to me. What is a sunflower? It is such a beautiful flower. It is bold and bright and commands our attention and knows just where to turn to get the light. It is so accomplished in its task that its name defines it task. It is to turn toward the light.
What is a rose? When I think of a rose I think of beauty but also of complexity and thorns. But roses are so very beautiful. One is never like the other. Each rose has a different amount of petals and thorns and a different sweetness that draws you in to the experience of the rose.
But to me the weeds are the most interesting. They seem to appear everywhere, but only overshadow the beauty of the flowers if you let them. I can control the weeds if I take the time to do it. I only need the desire to do the task for it to have purpose and the result that I need.
Only if I forget to weed the flowerbeds in my life does it get out of control. What are the weeds in my life? Is it that I continue to forget to pray? Is it that I forget to honor my husband and children for the great gift they are to me? Is that I forget to thank God for my parents? Even though I didn’t even really know my father shouldn’t I honor him because if he didn’t exist I would not!
Tomorrow I think I will share my thoughts on the great gift of our parents and the great gift of our children. I pray I don’t forget. Don’t let me. We are who we are through the people we let into our lives. Our husbands and wives, our children, our parents, the blank spots and the mulch and the list goes on and on….. Peace and I’ll talk to you again soon.
Love You, Eileen
I think of all the times before I met my husband that I felt like I didn’t know what it was to be whole. I always felt that I was missing a piece of my self. It wasn’t that I didn’t have great life before. I have a great, loving mother and I grew up in a loving family that celebrated life together so often that I know what celebration means so deeply that it makes me smile to think about it.
I take those things in my life that are great and that are not so great and mesh them with the life that my husband brought into our marriage, and I see a great flower garden emerge. There are so many flowers in the garden that my breath is taken away when I walk up on the garden. There are sunflowers, roses, weeds, mulch and blank spots and on and on.
Wow that makes me wonder about what each of those things means to me. What is a sunflower? It is such a beautiful flower. It is bold and bright and commands our attention and knows just where to turn to get the light. It is so accomplished in its task that its name defines it task. It is to turn toward the light.
What is a rose? When I think of a rose I think of beauty but also of complexity and thorns. But roses are so very beautiful. One is never like the other. Each rose has a different amount of petals and thorns and a different sweetness that draws you in to the experience of the rose.
But to me the weeds are the most interesting. They seem to appear everywhere, but only overshadow the beauty of the flowers if you let them. I can control the weeds if I take the time to do it. I only need the desire to do the task for it to have purpose and the result that I need.
Only if I forget to weed the flowerbeds in my life does it get out of control. What are the weeds in my life? Is it that I continue to forget to pray? Is it that I forget to honor my husband and children for the great gift they are to me? Is that I forget to thank God for my parents? Even though I didn’t even really know my father shouldn’t I honor him because if he didn’t exist I would not!
Tomorrow I think I will share my thoughts on the great gift of our parents and the great gift of our children. I pray I don’t forget. Don’t let me. We are who we are through the people we let into our lives. Our husbands and wives, our children, our parents, the blank spots and the mulch and the list goes on and on….. Peace and I’ll talk to you again soon.
Love You, Eileen
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Success
All day long I’ve been surrounded with the thought of success. I strive to get everything done that needs to get done. I worry that I’m not doing it good enough or fast enough. I worry that I’ve not considered all the options so as to make sure no problems arise out of the decisions I’ve made today.
But now as I sit here I wonder what the real meaning of success is. Those thoughts all seem so small. Is it really that all the options have been considered or all the tasks been checked off of the list? Well today it seemed to me that it was as I encountered the day I had before me.
The concern is there that if I do more things; finish more tasks, that it will all be alright. I will have completed what needed to be done and then I will be able to get the gold star on my paper like I did in elementary school. It was so simple then. If I spelled all the words right, I received a 100. Isn’t that what I’m still striving for in my day to day? I want to get that 100 again, but it is not possible in my adult world. There is always something more to do, someone else to help, something that I think I need to finish.
I seem to be missing the point. It’s the journey not the task that gets the 100. How did I treat myself today? How did I treat the person working the cash register at Kroger today? My children? My husband? My co-worker?
It doesn’t matter how much recognition I get for the tasks I’ve accomplished, but how much recognition I give to those that I encounter while I complete my tasks. I don’t mean to say the tasks aren’t important, because they are important. I need the tasks to give me work to do so that I have purpose. God wants me to have commitments and responsibilities. He wants me to have these so that I can encounter people so that I can treat them like He treats me.
Success! It is so simple, why do I make it seem so difficult.
God is good and patient.
I pray that I am those things to all of you.
Peace and talk to you again soon,
Eileen
But now as I sit here I wonder what the real meaning of success is. Those thoughts all seem so small. Is it really that all the options have been considered or all the tasks been checked off of the list? Well today it seemed to me that it was as I encountered the day I had before me.
The concern is there that if I do more things; finish more tasks, that it will all be alright. I will have completed what needed to be done and then I will be able to get the gold star on my paper like I did in elementary school. It was so simple then. If I spelled all the words right, I received a 100. Isn’t that what I’m still striving for in my day to day? I want to get that 100 again, but it is not possible in my adult world. There is always something more to do, someone else to help, something that I think I need to finish.
I seem to be missing the point. It’s the journey not the task that gets the 100. How did I treat myself today? How did I treat the person working the cash register at Kroger today? My children? My husband? My co-worker?
It doesn’t matter how much recognition I get for the tasks I’ve accomplished, but how much recognition I give to those that I encounter while I complete my tasks. I don’t mean to say the tasks aren’t important, because they are important. I need the tasks to give me work to do so that I have purpose. God wants me to have commitments and responsibilities. He wants me to have these so that I can encounter people so that I can treat them like He treats me.
Success! It is so simple, why do I make it seem so difficult.
God is good and patient.
I pray that I am those things to all of you.
Peace and talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Wonderful
I am sitting here thinking about today, and the only thing that comes to mind is wonderful. It is so wonderful that I had to make decisions, so wonderful that I had to sit in traffic, so wonderful that I had to cook dinner. Wait a minute!!! Did I really say all of that in my head?
Well I did, because I am eternally grateful for every day that I’ve lived on this earth. I’ve forgotten it so many times. I’ve been so caught up in all the “things” that have happened to me. So many times I’ve been caught up in how this world has treated me, rather than how I’ve treated this world. I continually try to consider others when I make decisions, but seem to always be centered on what it is that will make me most comfortable in my day or even in my minute.
This is all so confusing to me, when I really sit back and think about what things in life have meant the most to me and rarely were they easy. The things that we like huge mountains or great hardships are what have really centered and moved me to a better place in my life.
I see this when I see a performer on the stage or a doctor in her office. These things took great sacrifice and great commitment. The performer, the doctor, the musician, the priest, the president, the CEO, the nun, the librarian, trash collector and on and on didn’t get to be good at what they do without considering other people, without sacrifice and commitment, or without love for the work that we do each and every day. I do things I don’t want to do, because they need to get done.
Don’t you? Didn’t God? I see that in Jesus’ life. He gave so much to us through the things he didn’t want to do. He asked his Father to take this cup from Him, but He endured it. He endured the wonderful life giving sacrifice so that I could be here to experience this day as a daughter, wife, mother and friend.
Oh what a wonderful day I’ve had.
Talk to you again soon.
Eileen
Well I did, because I am eternally grateful for every day that I’ve lived on this earth. I’ve forgotten it so many times. I’ve been so caught up in all the “things” that have happened to me. So many times I’ve been caught up in how this world has treated me, rather than how I’ve treated this world. I continually try to consider others when I make decisions, but seem to always be centered on what it is that will make me most comfortable in my day or even in my minute.
This is all so confusing to me, when I really sit back and think about what things in life have meant the most to me and rarely were they easy. The things that we like huge mountains or great hardships are what have really centered and moved me to a better place in my life.
I see this when I see a performer on the stage or a doctor in her office. These things took great sacrifice and great commitment. The performer, the doctor, the musician, the priest, the president, the CEO, the nun, the librarian, trash collector and on and on didn’t get to be good at what they do without considering other people, without sacrifice and commitment, or without love for the work that we do each and every day. I do things I don’t want to do, because they need to get done.
Don’t you? Didn’t God? I see that in Jesus’ life. He gave so much to us through the things he didn’t want to do. He asked his Father to take this cup from Him, but He endured it. He endured the wonderful life giving sacrifice so that I could be here to experience this day as a daughter, wife, mother and friend.
Oh what a wonderful day I’ve had.
Talk to you again soon.
Eileen
Monday, September 21, 2009
Marriage
I’ve had the great privilege of being married to my husband, Jeff Borski, for 22 years. I’ll be honest I didn’t even know what I was looking for in a husband when we met. I really just thought he was cute. But God knew what I was looking for, and He delivered a winner to me. Thank you God for the beautiful gift of my marriage.
Marriage to me has been a journey in acceptance, love, trust, forgiveness and holiness. Oh we have arguments and disagreements, but through these we’ve learned to be better people. Isn’t it that God shows me how to accept people each and every day by His acceptance of me each and every day? So in accepting the twists and turns of our marriage, I’ve grown in holiness. Although I still have lots of growing to do!
I like to think of our marriage as a roller coaster. The first time you ride one and you go up, up, up, your emotions are heightened and you are so filled with the unknown it seems like the climb takes forever and then the drop comes. And oh how that drop feels. It seems to take an eternity also. Will this sinking feeling ever end? Will we ever be on the up cycle again? Well, then before you know it you are going up again, but this time you know what to expect on the other side. The down cycle allowed us to hold each other closer as we sit next to each other on the ride.
This is the same in our marriage. As we go through a struggle, we’ve learned to lean in and hold on to each other tighter and with the knowledge that we can get through this one. We’ve done it before. It wasn’t so bad. We actually learned a lot through it, and our love is stronger. We know we can make it through another one.
Wow, the ride is over for now. We can get off the ride and just stroll through the park enjoying the life that is around us. These are the times when God gives us the chance to rest and to develop a relationship with Him not out of fear, but out of love. These are the times when we can hear His voice, His holy whispers, to us that guide us on the path to fulfill His will in our marriage.
Oh, but we usually go back to the amusement park again next summer. When will we learn? Clearly, there is always something we can learn through a struggle, but it is how we handle that struggle that has changed for us over the years. We’ve started to not worry so much about the small things. We know now that this too shall pass, and we will be better people because we held on tight to each other through it and allowed God to hold us up and guide us. We know we don’t have to do it alone.
What an awesome gift marriage is to me. Thank you God for reminding me that it is the vocation that makes me who I am, and that makes me able to grow more and more towards You each day.
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Marriage to me has been a journey in acceptance, love, trust, forgiveness and holiness. Oh we have arguments and disagreements, but through these we’ve learned to be better people. Isn’t it that God shows me how to accept people each and every day by His acceptance of me each and every day? So in accepting the twists and turns of our marriage, I’ve grown in holiness. Although I still have lots of growing to do!
I like to think of our marriage as a roller coaster. The first time you ride one and you go up, up, up, your emotions are heightened and you are so filled with the unknown it seems like the climb takes forever and then the drop comes. And oh how that drop feels. It seems to take an eternity also. Will this sinking feeling ever end? Will we ever be on the up cycle again? Well, then before you know it you are going up again, but this time you know what to expect on the other side. The down cycle allowed us to hold each other closer as we sit next to each other on the ride.
This is the same in our marriage. As we go through a struggle, we’ve learned to lean in and hold on to each other tighter and with the knowledge that we can get through this one. We’ve done it before. It wasn’t so bad. We actually learned a lot through it, and our love is stronger. We know we can make it through another one.
Wow, the ride is over for now. We can get off the ride and just stroll through the park enjoying the life that is around us. These are the times when God gives us the chance to rest and to develop a relationship with Him not out of fear, but out of love. These are the times when we can hear His voice, His holy whispers, to us that guide us on the path to fulfill His will in our marriage.
Oh, but we usually go back to the amusement park again next summer. When will we learn? Clearly, there is always something we can learn through a struggle, but it is how we handle that struggle that has changed for us over the years. We’ve started to not worry so much about the small things. We know now that this too shall pass, and we will be better people because we held on tight to each other through it and allowed God to hold us up and guide us. We know we don’t have to do it alone.
What an awesome gift marriage is to me. Thank you God for reminding me that it is the vocation that makes me who I am, and that makes me able to grow more and more towards You each day.
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Today
Today was not about me, and that is a good thing. Every day I seem to want the day to be about me, and I always pray that it is not and that I allow myself to honor those around me.
My husband was out of town the entire week on a business trip, and I missed him so much. I wanted to spend the entire weekend with him. I wanted the weekend to be about me! He, however, needed to have some time to disconnect from the week of being with others that commanded his time. He wanted to be with guys that lifted him up instead of draining him.
How do I as a wife disconnect from the selfishness of wanting to be with him and let him have the fellowship that he needs to feel complete? What I’ve discovered is that the rosary helps me to be the wife that I should be instead of the woman that I think I must be. I need to be selfless instead of selfish. I need to allow myself to disconnect from the supposed needs that I have. I need to become the woman that exists to be what God’s wants instead of what I want.
What a reality check I need! The awesomeness that emerges from this discovery is that I am happier because he is happier. How will society understand that mystery?
They will understand it because it is the truth and the truth will set us all free.
Peace is good. Life is good, and God is good.
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
My husband was out of town the entire week on a business trip, and I missed him so much. I wanted to spend the entire weekend with him. I wanted the weekend to be about me! He, however, needed to have some time to disconnect from the week of being with others that commanded his time. He wanted to be with guys that lifted him up instead of draining him.
How do I as a wife disconnect from the selfishness of wanting to be with him and let him have the fellowship that he needs to feel complete? What I’ve discovered is that the rosary helps me to be the wife that I should be instead of the woman that I think I must be. I need to be selfless instead of selfish. I need to allow myself to disconnect from the supposed needs that I have. I need to become the woman that exists to be what God’s wants instead of what I want.
What a reality check I need! The awesomeness that emerges from this discovery is that I am happier because he is happier. How will society understand that mystery?
They will understand it because it is the truth and the truth will set us all free.
Peace is good. Life is good, and God is good.
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Friday, September 18, 2009
Wonder
Why do we wonder? Why do we care? What makes us want to know more than we do?
I always wonder about life and about what I am doing right now and what I will do next. It almost seems to give me purpose. I don't know what I would do if I didn't wonder. I am always searching for the meaning in life or really the meaning of the minute.
Today was about finding people. I was trying to find people so they can show love and honor to those people that they know in their own lives that mean so much to them. This made me think of the people that are so near and dear to me.
Sometimes I forget to tell the people that I love the most that they are so important to us. I take those people for granted and spend most of my day lifting up people that I don't even really now. I am not saying that the lifting up those we don't know is a bad thing, but I just don't want to stop trying to lift up those that are closest to me.
What can make me more interested in showing such respect and claiming a desire to build them up? I think it is about accepting myself and knowing that I am worthy of giving love and honor to those around me including the ones that are closest to me in my life.
I think I always know that there is something in me worthy of love, but sometimes I hide behind the question. I always wonder if I'm interesting enough, funny enough, intelligent enough, pretty enough to be worthy of giving love and receiving love.
Do I care? Yes, I care. Do I wonder? Yes, I wonder. Mostly I wonder about you and how your day is going and how it is that our lives connect to make it better for both you and me so that we can meet our full potential in this life. I wonder how we can all live our lives to our fullest potentials or how we can live our lives according to God's will.
I wonder if I am truly focused on what is important and not what is supposed to be important. I wonder if I've done all that I can do to find or recognize the people in my life that bring me closer to God. Do you wonder the same things?
Let me know.
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
I always wonder about life and about what I am doing right now and what I will do next. It almost seems to give me purpose. I don't know what I would do if I didn't wonder. I am always searching for the meaning in life or really the meaning of the minute.
Today was about finding people. I was trying to find people so they can show love and honor to those people that they know in their own lives that mean so much to them. This made me think of the people that are so near and dear to me.
Sometimes I forget to tell the people that I love the most that they are so important to us. I take those people for granted and spend most of my day lifting up people that I don't even really now. I am not saying that the lifting up those we don't know is a bad thing, but I just don't want to stop trying to lift up those that are closest to me.
What can make me more interested in showing such respect and claiming a desire to build them up? I think it is about accepting myself and knowing that I am worthy of giving love and honor to those around me including the ones that are closest to me in my life.
I think I always know that there is something in me worthy of love, but sometimes I hide behind the question. I always wonder if I'm interesting enough, funny enough, intelligent enough, pretty enough to be worthy of giving love and receiving love.
Do I care? Yes, I care. Do I wonder? Yes, I wonder. Mostly I wonder about you and how your day is going and how it is that our lives connect to make it better for both you and me so that we can meet our full potential in this life. I wonder how we can all live our lives to our fullest potentials or how we can live our lives according to God's will.
I wonder if I am truly focused on what is important and not what is supposed to be important. I wonder if I've done all that I can do to find or recognize the people in my life that bring me closer to God. Do you wonder the same things?
Let me know.
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
The Big Apple
Today was such an interesting day. I reflected on so many things about life that intrigued me. I thought about struggles and happiness and how these are connected. It made me think about what we eat and why we eat it.
For example, apples are such interesting pieces of fruit. They are so tough on the outside, and so sweet and crunchy on the inside. I love buying one at the grocery store. There is usually a huge pile stacked in neat rows, and I spend the time to pick just the right ones. For me the process is intense. I don’t want to pick the ones with a bruise or ones that are the wrong size. I want to have just the right size snack without any blemishes.
I also remember in elementary school when I discovered that slicing one in a different way showed a different center. One way was a star and the other just seeds lined up next to the other.
How is life reflected in the apple? Aren’t we a little tough on the outside, but sweet and crunchy, or complex and interesting, on the inside? I see people that appear a certain way on the outside, but once you get past that initial layer you find a sweet surprise. They are so kind and gentle, but have built a wall that keeps all the interesting textures and flavors on the inside. It just takes someone to have the courage to take the first bite or make the first connection to become friends with someone.
Isn’t that the way marriage evolves? We are in a situation and we meet a person that interests us enough to date the person. We have our skin on that protects us so that person can’t hurt us or even get to know us unless the courage emerges to break through that skin. The person has enough courage to go first to share a personal story that allows you to share one of your own so that you can truly get to know each other’s sweetness and texture.
Aren’t we more interesting when looked at, or sliced, a different way? We all have so many different things that we have or will accomplish in this life. The best way for these gifts to emerge is to accept and understand that we have a skin built around us to protect ourselves, but that we must let that skin be pierced to show the world our sweetness and our texture.
Life’s struggles are like an apple, if we just pierce the skin.
I’ll talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Fear
What is fear and why do we have it? We all feel it when we're in a situation that we don't like. Our heart races, our skin gets goose bumps, and we just want to run. Why is that?
Today I was on a mini-retreat and spent the day contemplating fear and what it means and how it works. I thought about how it holds me back from what I am supposed to accomplish, but mostly I thought about how fear can move me forward.
It makes me acknowledge my weaknesses and dependence on others and on God. How could I develop a relationship with God that is strong and respectful of His almighty power and love, had I not experienced fear and needed to turn to Him?
He lifts me up in my times of fear.
He loves me in my times of fear.
He accepts me in those times of fear.
He lets me be myself in times of fear.
He allows me to learn about Him in my times of fear.
He builds a bridge to Him in my times of fear.
Oh wonderful fear when I allow God to pull me through it.
Fear is part of me and I can't escape it. Lord, Let me know at the deepest level that it is an opportunity to learn and accept my life.
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Today I was on a mini-retreat and spent the day contemplating fear and what it means and how it works. I thought about how it holds me back from what I am supposed to accomplish, but mostly I thought about how fear can move me forward.
It makes me acknowledge my weaknesses and dependence on others and on God. How could I develop a relationship with God that is strong and respectful of His almighty power and love, had I not experienced fear and needed to turn to Him?
He lifts me up in my times of fear.
He loves me in my times of fear.
He accepts me in those times of fear.
He lets me be myself in times of fear.
He allows me to learn about Him in my times of fear.
He builds a bridge to Him in my times of fear.
Oh wonderful fear when I allow God to pull me through it.
Fear is part of me and I can't escape it. Lord, Let me know at the deepest level that it is an opportunity to learn and accept my life.
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Friday, September 11, 2009
My Place
When I think about where I belong in this world, I always seem to be considering where I am right now. I worry, is it that I'm supposed to be here, or am I supposed to be somewhere else. How do we ever really know what it is that we are supposed to do with the time that we are given?
As I think of these things, I consider what I did today. I woke up 30 minutes late as usual. (Am I really waking up late if that is what I do every day?) Ate a typical breakfast of peanut butter and bread. I drove to work while sitting in lots of traffic as it rained. I listened to the radio both country and Christian music. Once at work, I began to do all the same things I always do. I answered my emails, made some phone calls, reviewed some contracts, planned some activities for next week, etc....Was that what I was supposed to be doing?
My heart says it doesn't really matter. Although my mind is always wondering if it does. If we are doing a task, and it is a good task, such as earning a living or baking a cake, all of these things are pleasing to God. It only matters what we do while we are doing those tasks that are important. How do we treat others around us? How do we treat the work we are doing? Do we do it the best that we can and use the gifts that God gave us to the fullest? Do we realize all that we do is a prayer of thanksgiving to God?
If we do, then it doesn't matter what we do or where we are. It just matters that we exist and that we honor the moment and the people that are in our midst at that very moment.
So where do I belong anyway? I belong right where I am right at the moment that I'm there!
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
As I think of these things, I consider what I did today. I woke up 30 minutes late as usual. (Am I really waking up late if that is what I do every day?) Ate a typical breakfast of peanut butter and bread. I drove to work while sitting in lots of traffic as it rained. I listened to the radio both country and Christian music. Once at work, I began to do all the same things I always do. I answered my emails, made some phone calls, reviewed some contracts, planned some activities for next week, etc....Was that what I was supposed to be doing?
My heart says it doesn't really matter. Although my mind is always wondering if it does. If we are doing a task, and it is a good task, such as earning a living or baking a cake, all of these things are pleasing to God. It only matters what we do while we are doing those tasks that are important. How do we treat others around us? How do we treat the work we are doing? Do we do it the best that we can and use the gifts that God gave us to the fullest? Do we realize all that we do is a prayer of thanksgiving to God?
If we do, then it doesn't matter what we do or where we are. It just matters that we exist and that we honor the moment and the people that are in our midst at that very moment.
So where do I belong anyway? I belong right where I am right at the moment that I'm there!
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Talent
I really like watching talent shows. Here lately I’ve been watching “So You Think You Can Dance” and “America’s Got Talent”. They are such entertaining shows. The singing and dancing makes me want to get on my feet and clap out loud. I really love the energy, laughter and joy of the performances.
How is it that music and dance makes us feel such peace and energy at the same time? It seems our bodies are geared for the opportunity to tune into something that is tangible, but intangible all at the same time. Our bodies feel the music, but we can’t see the music. We can hear the notes, see the notes on a page, but there is something more to the notes than what we hear with our ears or see on the page.
It is the same with other forms of talent. There is always something more to it than what is on the surface. I think that is why we are drawn to it. It is not about the moment of entertainment, but the moment of finding ourselves in the entertainment. Isn’t it at a movie or a concert that we can feel that we are part of the action? I know even when I watch things I don’t like to watch like a thriller movie, the reason I don’t like to watch it is that I’m drawn into something I don’t want to experience. I can’t detach from it totally.
It’s the same with what we do want to experience. We can’t pull away from it entirely, because we want to be drawn into the moment. We want to feel the pull of the music in our hearts, we want to feel the emotion of the romantic comedy on our minds, we want to feel the message of scripture, and the list goes on and on.
We all know at our deepest level that all of our senses are needed to experience life and hope at the finest level. So mostly we don’t fight it, we just allow ourselves to live in the moment of a song, to live in the moment of a movie, or to live in the moment of conversation with the Lord.
Isn’t that conversation with the Lord, or prayer, what really makes it all make sense? Isn’t everything a prayer? Our conversations with each other, our thoughts about life, our gifts to others through our service as mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers, our education, our work, our commitments and our love for each other. All of these things are prayers and a great thank you to the Lord. He loves us so very much. He made everything that we do an opportunity for pray. Lord, I pray that I never stop realizing the gifts of my life and that I continue to open my heart to your love.
I know that if I continue to watch the talents of others, including watching “So You Think You Can Dance, and “America’s Got Talent”, that I will through prayer begin to realize all of the talents that the Lord has given me to share with this world.
Peace to all of you,
Eileen
How is it that music and dance makes us feel such peace and energy at the same time? It seems our bodies are geared for the opportunity to tune into something that is tangible, but intangible all at the same time. Our bodies feel the music, but we can’t see the music. We can hear the notes, see the notes on a page, but there is something more to the notes than what we hear with our ears or see on the page.
It is the same with other forms of talent. There is always something more to it than what is on the surface. I think that is why we are drawn to it. It is not about the moment of entertainment, but the moment of finding ourselves in the entertainment. Isn’t it at a movie or a concert that we can feel that we are part of the action? I know even when I watch things I don’t like to watch like a thriller movie, the reason I don’t like to watch it is that I’m drawn into something I don’t want to experience. I can’t detach from it totally.
It’s the same with what we do want to experience. We can’t pull away from it entirely, because we want to be drawn into the moment. We want to feel the pull of the music in our hearts, we want to feel the emotion of the romantic comedy on our minds, we want to feel the message of scripture, and the list goes on and on.
We all know at our deepest level that all of our senses are needed to experience life and hope at the finest level. So mostly we don’t fight it, we just allow ourselves to live in the moment of a song, to live in the moment of a movie, or to live in the moment of conversation with the Lord.
Isn’t that conversation with the Lord, or prayer, what really makes it all make sense? Isn’t everything a prayer? Our conversations with each other, our thoughts about life, our gifts to others through our service as mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers, our education, our work, our commitments and our love for each other. All of these things are prayers and a great thank you to the Lord. He loves us so very much. He made everything that we do an opportunity for pray. Lord, I pray that I never stop realizing the gifts of my life and that I continue to open my heart to your love.
I know that if I continue to watch the talents of others, including watching “So You Think You Can Dance, and “America’s Got Talent”, that I will through prayer begin to realize all of the talents that the Lord has given me to share with this world.
Peace to all of you,
Eileen
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Today
How is that I start the each weekday the same, but it ends up so different? Every day I pretend that I'm going to wake up at 6:15 a.m. I religiously set my alarm for that time, but I never actually get out of bed until 6:45 a.m. The routine of it makes me laugh as I write this now.
Every weekday, I know that I need to be at work at the same time, but I almost never get there on time. What is it that makes me not want to get out of the bed? My initial thought is how good it feels to sleep, but then I remember that I never really want to go to bed. In the evening, I am enjoying visiting with my family, watching a TV show or looking on the internet. When I'm doing those things I'm almost never thinking about how good it feels to sleep.
On a broader level, it makes me I think of how I resist change. Maybe on a very simple level that is what I'm doing each an every day. That's makes me wonder why I am resisting change? Or is that really the answer anyway? I don't know. What I'm wondering now is if other's are that way? Or is it just me?
Now I'm thinking about what other things are hidden in our minds? What things are we all living that no one knows about us? What are our secrets and how do they impact how we interact with the world?
My secrets are less and less as I mature, but not completely non-existent. I am so much more comfortable in my skin. It's funny how the more wrinkles I get, the happier I am. Isn't it funny that on the surface society teaches us that youthfulness is the key to happiness, but for me it has been so clearly the opposite?
Maybe each day isn't really different at all? It's really just a series of choices that lead us to happiness or not. The more I allow truth and acceptance to guide my choices each day, the more I am fulfilled and feel in tune with God's will in my life. That is what truly leads me to happiness. How about you?
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Every weekday, I know that I need to be at work at the same time, but I almost never get there on time. What is it that makes me not want to get out of the bed? My initial thought is how good it feels to sleep, but then I remember that I never really want to go to bed. In the evening, I am enjoying visiting with my family, watching a TV show or looking on the internet. When I'm doing those things I'm almost never thinking about how good it feels to sleep.
On a broader level, it makes me I think of how I resist change. Maybe on a very simple level that is what I'm doing each an every day. That's makes me wonder why I am resisting change? Or is that really the answer anyway? I don't know. What I'm wondering now is if other's are that way? Or is it just me?
Now I'm thinking about what other things are hidden in our minds? What things are we all living that no one knows about us? What are our secrets and how do they impact how we interact with the world?
My secrets are less and less as I mature, but not completely non-existent. I am so much more comfortable in my skin. It's funny how the more wrinkles I get, the happier I am. Isn't it funny that on the surface society teaches us that youthfulness is the key to happiness, but for me it has been so clearly the opposite?
Maybe each day isn't really different at all? It's really just a series of choices that lead us to happiness or not. The more I allow truth and acceptance to guide my choices each day, the more I am fulfilled and feel in tune with God's will in my life. That is what truly leads me to happiness. How about you?
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Monday, September 7, 2009
Snickers
I just finished eating a candy bar It was a Snicker’s bar. The creamy texture of the chocolate is soooo very good, but is even better along side the crunchiness of the peanuts and the stickiness of the caramel. Wow, what a good combination of flavors and textures.
On the surface it seems like such a simple thing to enjoy, but surely there is something more to it than just the experience. How did the flavors come to be? Who was the person that first thought to combine the flavors? Who was the person that first thought to create each of the flavors? Who was the person that first found the raw ingredients that go into creating the flavors? How many years did it take for the flavors to be discovered and then to be combined to create an item that we believe to be so simple? In fact, so simple in our world that we can go the any store along the road and buy one for less than a dollar.
How did the value of such an item become so small when you think of all the time and energy that went into creating such a treat? How is this less valuable than a diamond? How is this less valuable than a gallon of gasoline?
What makes something valuable anyway? Isn’t it just perception? What makes us perceive the song of a certain singer to be more valuable than another singer such that the individual becomes a superstar, but another does not? Isn’t it the combination of the things that make something more interesting than the individual parts, but not taking away from the value of the individual parts?
That thought blows my mind when I think of how that applies to life and the people we meet. Aren’t we all better for having met others in our life, having experienced our struggles and our joys, and having allowed ourselves to take the time to recognize the combination of those things in our life?
Aren’t we all better for having enjoyed a Snicker’s bar every now and then? The value surpasses anything I can think of right now!!!!!
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
On the surface it seems like such a simple thing to enjoy, but surely there is something more to it than just the experience. How did the flavors come to be? Who was the person that first thought to combine the flavors? Who was the person that first thought to create each of the flavors? Who was the person that first found the raw ingredients that go into creating the flavors? How many years did it take for the flavors to be discovered and then to be combined to create an item that we believe to be so simple? In fact, so simple in our world that we can go the any store along the road and buy one for less than a dollar.
How did the value of such an item become so small when you think of all the time and energy that went into creating such a treat? How is this less valuable than a diamond? How is this less valuable than a gallon of gasoline?
What makes something valuable anyway? Isn’t it just perception? What makes us perceive the song of a certain singer to be more valuable than another singer such that the individual becomes a superstar, but another does not? Isn’t it the combination of the things that make something more interesting than the individual parts, but not taking away from the value of the individual parts?
That thought blows my mind when I think of how that applies to life and the people we meet. Aren’t we all better for having met others in our life, having experienced our struggles and our joys, and having allowed ourselves to take the time to recognize the combination of those things in our life?
Aren’t we all better for having enjoyed a Snicker’s bar every now and then? The value surpasses anything I can think of right now!!!!!
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Thursday, September 3, 2009
What's Up
Wow, what a day! I was so busy and so consumed with all that had to be done. I was able to add to the tasks of the day by being open to the life that was around me. I saw so many people smile at the opportunity to live life. What joy I saw in people that finally had a story to tell. What simple stories they were, but so profound in that the decision to share was awesome. I learned about a guy that needed to buy a new car. I learned that a woman I work with is planning a trip to Georgia, and I learned one woman I work with is Catholic, and she is searching for a connection to life.
All of these people are trying to connect to something. All are trying to live the life that was given to them by God. How do I live that connection every day? Sometimes I'm good at it and I am full of life, but sometimes I am selfish and only think of myself. How does that occur? Shouldn't we by God's gift to us be filled with the desire to serve and to think of everyone but ourselves? But somehow it always turns around to me?
What I wonder about is whether it really can be about others if it isn't about us? Aren't the others supposed to be concerned about us? So isn't it really all about me anyway? Does that even make any sense?
What does make sense is that if we are all concerned about others then the "me" concern fades away because our needs are filled. This is so true most especially in marriage. When I think about the gift that the man brings to the marriage, it overwhelms me. Jeff is called to love me like Christ loves the Church! Wow, what a tall order that is for him. When you think about it that means he is called to die for me! What does that really mean?
I like to think of this concept in the form of a story. Think about a mother and a father in the hospital room with a child that is near death and a decision needs to be made about the life of the child. The decision needs to be made about whether to pull the plug to allow the life of the child to be maintained on its own or to expire on its own. There is not a mother in the world that I know of that wants to make that decision. In a traditional marriage, the mother has the gift of the husband to take the role as the head of the household to make the decision. He is the ultimate provider in that he steps forward to make the decision by allowing God to make the decision through him. He allows his wife, the mother, to be freed from that decision. What a gift he has given to his wife and family! He took the difficult road and died to himself in order to give life to those he loves the most. How Christ-like the husband and father is in this story. Isn't that about the others in his family, but still about him?
He doesn't need a certain type of wife to be this type of leader. He can be married to the best stay at home mom in the world or the most committed mother who works outside of the home and still be the leader by showing his strength at moments like these.
What's up is that this world is made of so many good men like this and we sometimes forget to build them up. I take my hat off to all the men that lead like Christ - men that lead through compassion and service rather than through recognition and position.
That's what's up in my world. A man that loves me for who I am, and a man that is strong at all times, but with a heart as big as the world that let's me be and continue to grow into a woman that God can use for so many things. That’s what I see in the story of the people around me. Great men that are such an awesome gift from God.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Eileen
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Yield
When I see a yield sign it makes me consider if I stop or if I should go. What is it that yield really means? When I consider this word, my mind clouds with thoughts…. I want to go because from what I can see around me there is nothing that will harm me, but something inside says that sign is there for some reason.
How many times do I look around me and make decisions based only on what I can see. Or in another words, I make decisions based on what I think I can control around me. What really makes life interesting is when I decide to not follow the path of life that is easy to define or easy to understand, and I just let it go!
In contrast to making decisions based on what I can see, or yielding to the minute, hour or day, has led me to meet so many interesting people and to experience so many moments of clarity. How many times I’ve thought life would turn out to be a certain way, but the way that it turned out surpassed anything I’d every imagined.
My mind now fills with thoughts of goals I set for myself. For example, I thought by the time that I’d achieved X (You name the X), I’d be happy. But has that ever happened? I set the goal to get my master’s degree before I was 40, and I achieved that goal, but did it really impact my happiness? Not really, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not happy. What it did was teach me how to think more clearly by allowing myself to be mentored by someone that had already been along the path I decided to follow. Isn’t that was it means to yield?
Isn’t that what life is about? Learning from those that have come before us? Isn’t that what Christ taught us to do by yielding to the Father’s will and teaching us?
I’m so happy to have known the people that mentored me to learn what I know, but really it was mentoring me to yield.
Should I stop or should I go? I think both.
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
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