Oh how good it feels to win a race, to be the one that finishes an exam first, or be the most recently promoted at work. I always seem to want that next rung on the ladder. I want to always be moving forward in what it means to be a winner. I wonder why I am that way.
I won’t gain a better life through winning. I’m still a good person even if I lose, but I am better person through my connection to the people in the race. I learn something in winning and in losing. However, I am still always trying to win the next thing.
This also leads me to think about what it really means to win. Isn’t winning about separating yourself from the others in the race? But I keep thinking that the race has no value if there aren’t any people to race against. It now seems to me that I am only a winner of a race if I am connected to the people that lost the race rather than being truly separated from them. So maybe the real winners are the ones that sacrifice for the one that leads the pack.
Sometimes I am gifted by God to be the one pulling the others through the race, and sometimes I am gifted by God to be the one pushing the winner to the victory. This last statement is most obvious to me in my role as a mother. How many times I pushed my children to achieve some task that I know will help them make better decisions later in life and ultimately better people. I pray that I’ve not pushed them to achieve things that don’t have that as the end result.
My thought now is that I want my children to achieve the next rung of their life, most especially their spiritual journey. But isn’t everything connected their, to my, spiritual journey? That seems to be the reason I want to always be moving forward, pushing others forward, and the things in life that are considered accomplishments are just a proxy or practice for the thing that I should really be trying to achieve - Holiness.
Peace and talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Death
Today I seemed consumed with death and what that means to me and to all of the people in my life. Death is a given for all of us but somehow I don’t want to experience it just yet. I hold on to the life that I have before me now as it is so familiar. I know what to expect to some extent.
I know I will wake up tomorrow and the sun will shine. I will eat, I will clean, I will pray, I will think about what it is I am supposed to give to the world in this day. I so want to be open to and to do God’s will. I am always wondering if I am actually doing it or not.
I want a clear picture about what it is I am supposed to do in this life. I want it to be as clear as the sun or the moon. Those things are so constant, but now that I think of it these things are truly different each day. The moon has a different shape each day and the sun shines different colors each day. The angle in which I enjoy the sun and the moon changes throughout the day. Sometimes if the weather is bad I even have trouble seeing the sun or the moon.
What does that represent to me about death? I see the constancy of death in the rising and setting of the sun and the difference in death in the various ways I experience life by looking at things from a different angle. Sometimes I fill my heart with clouds and rain storms, and I can’t even see what I am supposed to see.
How will I be prepared for death, if I am not always molding myself to see beyond the clouds and rain in my life to enjoy each and every minute that I have now and forever. I want to be more patient as I grow to understand that I have eternity and that death is but a window into understanding that eternity truly exists. I seem to always wonder about the unknown of death and how it will make me different.
I know in my intellect that there is something more in this world than what I know now, but sometimes in my heart I still have doubt and wonder what I can do better that makes that doubt disappear. However, I also think that maybe I am always supposed to have that doubt so that I never take for granted what I have in the here and now before me.
I try to live in the now and not worry about what has passed as it is gone now and actually may be remembered by others very differently than how I remember it. I try not worry about the future as it is not here yet and may never actually be what I expected anyway.
It is a given that this minute I will be in this minute whether I want to or not and the next minute is always unknown. I pray that I live the minute how God intended and not be consumed with what is next whether it be life in death or another minute of life on earth.
Talk to you again soon.
Eileen
I know I will wake up tomorrow and the sun will shine. I will eat, I will clean, I will pray, I will think about what it is I am supposed to give to the world in this day. I so want to be open to and to do God’s will. I am always wondering if I am actually doing it or not.
I want a clear picture about what it is I am supposed to do in this life. I want it to be as clear as the sun or the moon. Those things are so constant, but now that I think of it these things are truly different each day. The moon has a different shape each day and the sun shines different colors each day. The angle in which I enjoy the sun and the moon changes throughout the day. Sometimes if the weather is bad I even have trouble seeing the sun or the moon.
What does that represent to me about death? I see the constancy of death in the rising and setting of the sun and the difference in death in the various ways I experience life by looking at things from a different angle. Sometimes I fill my heart with clouds and rain storms, and I can’t even see what I am supposed to see.
How will I be prepared for death, if I am not always molding myself to see beyond the clouds and rain in my life to enjoy each and every minute that I have now and forever. I want to be more patient as I grow to understand that I have eternity and that death is but a window into understanding that eternity truly exists. I seem to always wonder about the unknown of death and how it will make me different.
I know in my intellect that there is something more in this world than what I know now, but sometimes in my heart I still have doubt and wonder what I can do better that makes that doubt disappear. However, I also think that maybe I am always supposed to have that doubt so that I never take for granted what I have in the here and now before me.
I try to live in the now and not worry about what has passed as it is gone now and actually may be remembered by others very differently than how I remember it. I try not worry about the future as it is not here yet and may never actually be what I expected anyway.
It is a given that this minute I will be in this minute whether I want to or not and the next minute is always unknown. I pray that I live the minute how God intended and not be consumed with what is next whether it be life in death or another minute of life on earth.
Talk to you again soon.
Eileen
Saturday, October 10, 2009
No Blog Today
Today is the day of nothing to say. That is unusual to me, but also a blessing. My husband and I have been so consumed with our ministries that I am always engaged with the people around me. However, today we gave the day to ourselves. That gift, while extermely fruitful, left me with few words. This fits my life being married for 22 years. We are so connected that words are less important as each day goes by us. The only thought I have is God is good all the time, and I am so glad to be married to Jeff. Talk to you again soon, Eileen
Friday, October 9, 2009
So Many Things
My mind is so full of so many things today that I can’t focus on one particular thing. I am thinking of art and numbers and apples and cheese. I continue to wonder why my mind is so connected to so many different things as I sit here and ponder the day. The day was good. I accomplished many tasks. I was able to use the mind that God gave me to use. I was able to focus on the gifts He allowed me to develop so that others turn to me when in need.
How do I recognize the gifts given to me by God? That is always a challenge to me in my life as the gifts I am given are revealed to me each and every day. The gifts emerge like packages under a Christmas tree. Sometimes I know what is inside because it is so obvious like a small package with an engagement ring inside. Sometimes it is not so obvious. The package may be hidden inside a larger package that becomes the object to my attention. Sometimes I become distracted by the wrapping of the package instead of focusing on the package and its contents.
I get most distracted when I focus on the wrapping instead of the package itself. However, I can never forget the wrapping rather than the package because it is what makes the gift special and of importance. Is a gift really a gift if it isn’t wrapped in something that makes it different than what it was without the wrapping? Am I who I am without the wrappings of my life that made me into the person that I am right at this moment?
All of the gifts and distractions allowed me to create a special wrapping around me that completes me. I think of how these gifts are enhanced by the many things in life that attract my attention including art, numbers, apples, wine, flowers, cheese and the list goes on and on. The package is not complete without all of the distractions of life that allowed me to really become who I am from the inside out wrapped in the paper of my life that is most beautiful on me.
Peace and talk to you again soon,
Eileen
How do I recognize the gifts given to me by God? That is always a challenge to me in my life as the gifts I am given are revealed to me each and every day. The gifts emerge like packages under a Christmas tree. Sometimes I know what is inside because it is so obvious like a small package with an engagement ring inside. Sometimes it is not so obvious. The package may be hidden inside a larger package that becomes the object to my attention. Sometimes I become distracted by the wrapping of the package instead of focusing on the package and its contents.
I get most distracted when I focus on the wrapping instead of the package itself. However, I can never forget the wrapping rather than the package because it is what makes the gift special and of importance. Is a gift really a gift if it isn’t wrapped in something that makes it different than what it was without the wrapping? Am I who I am without the wrappings of my life that made me into the person that I am right at this moment?
All of the gifts and distractions allowed me to create a special wrapping around me that completes me. I think of how these gifts are enhanced by the many things in life that attract my attention including art, numbers, apples, wine, flowers, cheese and the list goes on and on. The package is not complete without all of the distractions of life that allowed me to really become who I am from the inside out wrapped in the paper of my life that is most beautiful on me.
Peace and talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Today
Today is all that I have. This moment is all that I have. When I was driving home from work today suddenly I had the thought, we are all going to die. But now I am thinking rather that we are all going to live!
To die or to live I need to always focus on the life that is before me. I need to never disconnect from the minute at I have before me. Each minute is a relationship that needs to be developed between me and all of the people and all of the experiences that are before me.
I think now mostly of the experiences before me. It is not only the people that I meet in the minutes of my life, but all of the things that surround me that require my attention. How is it that I’m tapping on the keyboard right now? How is it that this even exists? How many things or people were involved in the creation of the keyboard?
Really what comes to my mind is who actually decided that this keyboard should be the color of grey clay? It is such an uninteresting color to me. Or maybe that is the point. If I were focused on the color of the keyboard maybe I wouldn’t be focused on its function.
Isn’t that true of people too? How many times am I drawn into a conversation with a person, but to find out the cover of the person isn’t what I should be focusing on in that moment? It is really the gifts of the person that I should be focusing on instead.
Now should be the focus of my every minute whether it be as I know it now or as I pray that I experience in Heaven.
I pray that I live in the now always.
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
To die or to live I need to always focus on the life that is before me. I need to never disconnect from the minute at I have before me. Each minute is a relationship that needs to be developed between me and all of the people and all of the experiences that are before me.
I think now mostly of the experiences before me. It is not only the people that I meet in the minutes of my life, but all of the things that surround me that require my attention. How is it that I’m tapping on the keyboard right now? How is it that this even exists? How many things or people were involved in the creation of the keyboard?
Really what comes to my mind is who actually decided that this keyboard should be the color of grey clay? It is such an uninteresting color to me. Or maybe that is the point. If I were focused on the color of the keyboard maybe I wouldn’t be focused on its function.
Isn’t that true of people too? How many times am I drawn into a conversation with a person, but to find out the cover of the person isn’t what I should be focusing on in that moment? It is really the gifts of the person that I should be focusing on instead.
Now should be the focus of my every minute whether it be as I know it now or as I pray that I experience in Heaven.
I pray that I live in the now always.
Talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Motherhood
I am so overwhelmed with joy to be a mother. I feel I am a better person for having been allowed to create life with my husband, and to watch these two children of mine grow up to be such wonderful people. The connection to God overwhelms me as I think of His love for us, and it is only a fraction of the love we have for our children. My mind then drifts to the love between husband and wife and how it is a foreshadowing of Heaven. When my marriage and family life is at its best, I truly feel like Heaven is on Earth. Don't you?
To create is divine, and I am touched that God allows us to participate in that creation. He gives us the capacity to create life. He gives us the talents to create gadgets. He gives us the talents to serve Him by serving others. Isn't that what life is about? I am at my best when my life is in service to others.
Creation is awesome. Motherhood is awesome. Being a wife is awesome. Service to others is awesome. God's trust in us is even more awesome. Don't you agree?
Peace and talk to you again soon,
Eileen
To create is divine, and I am touched that God allows us to participate in that creation. He gives us the capacity to create life. He gives us the talents to create gadgets. He gives us the talents to serve Him by serving others. Isn't that what life is about? I am at my best when my life is in service to others.
Creation is awesome. Motherhood is awesome. Being a wife is awesome. Service to others is awesome. God's trust in us is even more awesome. Don't you agree?
Peace and talk to you again soon,
Eileen
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Green
I keep wondering why the word green comes to mind every time I think about writing my blog. What is green anyway? It is a word that is a color, but not just one color like white. It can be many colors. It also means someone with little or no experience. It also makes me think of mold and how it grows on things that are organic. Why am I thinking of all these things and why does green keep coming to mind?
I’ll just write about what comes to mind. Green is a beautiful color. It is so calming and calling. It draws me in every time I see it no matter the shade. It can be deep, it can be cool, it can be singular or it can be multi-dimensional. It has everything that is needed to make something interesting. It appears in many different ways, but yet there is something common about it. It interests different people at different levels.
Interesting thought about green. Does green have different levels? It seems that it must or the thought wouldn’t have come to my mind. Is it that it can be thin, thick, high or low? I think it can now that I have considered the thought. Green can be thick. It can represent the entire forest and its density and thickness. It can be thin when it is shows itself in the completeness of a leaf. It is can be high when it shows itself in a rainbow and it can be low when it shows itself in the water off the coast of Florida.
How can one thing can be so many things? I think of all things in life and how everything is one thing, but also everything. Can anything exist if not in comparison to something else? Value is always a measure of something against itself or against something else of value. The measure being what makes us understand something.
That brings me to all things in life that are of value being measured against something else of value. Isn’t love what it is because it is measured against something? Is that something the lack of love or is it the intensity of love? I think the measure is the intensity of love, because there can be no lack of love unless love exists so the measure must be love.
How did I get from green to love? Love is calming. Love is calling. Love has many shades. Love can be deep or it can be cool. Love can be singular or multi-dimensional. It can be everything and it definitely makes something interesting. It appears in different ways, but there is something very common about it. It also interests people at different levels too.
It must be that love is in green and green is in love, and that all things are love and are measured against love whether it is a color or it is love itself. Just a thought.
Talk to you again soon.
Eileen
I’ll just write about what comes to mind. Green is a beautiful color. It is so calming and calling. It draws me in every time I see it no matter the shade. It can be deep, it can be cool, it can be singular or it can be multi-dimensional. It has everything that is needed to make something interesting. It appears in many different ways, but yet there is something common about it. It interests different people at different levels.
Interesting thought about green. Does green have different levels? It seems that it must or the thought wouldn’t have come to my mind. Is it that it can be thin, thick, high or low? I think it can now that I have considered the thought. Green can be thick. It can represent the entire forest and its density and thickness. It can be thin when it is shows itself in the completeness of a leaf. It is can be high when it shows itself in a rainbow and it can be low when it shows itself in the water off the coast of Florida.
How can one thing can be so many things? I think of all things in life and how everything is one thing, but also everything. Can anything exist if not in comparison to something else? Value is always a measure of something against itself or against something else of value. The measure being what makes us understand something.
That brings me to all things in life that are of value being measured against something else of value. Isn’t love what it is because it is measured against something? Is that something the lack of love or is it the intensity of love? I think the measure is the intensity of love, because there can be no lack of love unless love exists so the measure must be love.
How did I get from green to love? Love is calming. Love is calling. Love has many shades. Love can be deep or it can be cool. Love can be singular or multi-dimensional. It can be everything and it definitely makes something interesting. It appears in different ways, but there is something very common about it. It also interests people at different levels too.
It must be that love is in green and green is in love, and that all things are love and are measured against love whether it is a color or it is love itself. Just a thought.
Talk to you again soon.
Eileen
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